WE ALL KNOW HOW THIS ENDS

 This was the title of the latest book I have read. It really touched my heart. As a doctor, we aim to keep patients alive, and, most importantly, in my profession as an obstetrician, we assist women in giving birth. This book has a great number of topics that are not discussed in everyday life and are often avoided. These are topics around death, the end of life, funerals, and dealing with grief. We are mostly unprepared and unable to plan accordingly. In all these affairs, the presence of an end-of-life doula becomes handy. The author Anna Lyons points out tips to help people who are interested in this profession to step into this path. Tips such as working in a hospice or as a healthcare assistant, and she introduces several useful websites and links.

Training as an end-of-life doula teaches us that death is a normal and natural part of life, dying is still living, and death is a transition. She points out that a good doula listens to her clients and asks all the important questions. They remember all the important facts, and at the same time maintain confidentiality. They are not there to be your friend, judge, or impose their own beliefs, or befriend you. 

Throughout the book, there were numerous stories of death and loss and how the family members handled it, from stillbirth to death in the COVID pandemic, or loss of a small child who had been unwell from birth. There were some interesting reads about various funeral plans. It really got me thinking about how I have not really bothered to plan my own funeral. I am of muslim faith, and most of the time, the family does the burial the following day after the death, the body is washed and wrapped in a white cloth, and buried with no coffin. Sometimes I feel like a cremation would be a better option, but I am fearful to make such drastic decisions. 

My first experience with the death of a family member was in 2008, when my great-grandmother was transferred to a specialist cardiology hospital after collapsing in a nursing home. I was a curious medical student then. She was taken for a pacemaker insertion, but the procedure failed, and she was transferred to the ward, intubated, while someone was giving breaths through the ambu bag. She demised the following day. My uncle and I were there all along. I unfortunately missed the burial due to my duties and classes.  Grandpa, whom I have always loved more than my parents, passed away in August 2018. I got the news of his passing while driving to work. I cried in the car, wiped the tears and went to work. I am crying now as I am typing… I flew back home for the 40th, and my family and I went to his grave, mourned, cried, and paid our respects. I have a small picture frame of him, looking handsome in a tie and suit, on my parents’ wedding day. I talk to him most of the time, especially when I am sad with my medical work, and things are not going well. He was so proud of me when I made it to medical school.

Towards the end of the book, I came across Dr Liz O’Riordan’s story. She was a qualified breast surgeon who was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. She has had two episodes of local cancer recurrence. She is an author and, through multiple social media channels, educates the public on cancer awareness and her own personal experience with cancer treatment. She is open about how her cancer treatment caused her to lose her career as a surgeon and her ability to have children. I was extremely touched by her resilience and her extraordinary work. 

No matter what happens in life, we all know that death is the one true inevitability. There is nothing more certain in this world than our mortality.