A DAY IN MY LIFE AS A WORKING MOM

 I would like to explain how my days look as a full time working mother. Aryana usually goes to school three days a week which is Monday to Thursday. The rest of the week or the weekends she stays by my mother. I am up by 5am, shower and get ready by 5:45. I always make toast or muesli and yogurt which I eat while driving. I also make tea for the road. When I am ready wake Aryana up, change her nappy, dress her and we leave the house by 6:20. She is in school in 10 minutes and I drive to work. The drive in traffic takes me approximately an hour. 

I work in an Academic Hospital, so every morning our registrars present their admissions in the morning meeting. All the consultants usually pull a straight face and ask random questions. Last week Wednesday I was covering the labour ward. After the meeting we attended the handover in the high care and labour ward. After that we did a ward round to see the patients in the antenatal ward. I usually take a little lunch break before the afternoon handover. 

Some consultanta take very long for the afternoon handover. and grill the registrars with questions. I stick to patient care, but it is quite entertaining when you start asking the medical students different questions. We had an uneventful handover and by 3 pm I left work. I usually make a strong cup of instant coffee to give me energy to survive my other 5 to 9 job which is Motherhood. 

Around 5pm I make it to the school, I sneak in to catch a glimpse of Aryana while she is playing in her fun environment. We drive home, change into comfy clothes and Aryana has a nappy change. I start cleaning up right away, from the bedroom to the kitchen. hubby has cooked lunch, i usually pack that for lunch the following day. we don't have any family dinner. Nawaaz is either watching something or out doing admin. 

Aryana has a bath, a bottle of milk and we both sleep in the spare room. After she falls asleep i get up and do more cleaning like folding the laundry, taking out trash or hanging the washing. if I am in the mood some reading and writing and creative work also happens on the laptop like writing this blog. I sweep the floors in the morning, and mopping the floors happens on demand and routinely on fridyas. laundry is done throughout the week. sometimes when I am in the mood I play music and me and Aryana will do a little dance together. 

ME AND MY MOTHER

My mother and I are very close. We see each other almost daily since we stay in the same complex. As a daughter I grew up witnessing my mother’s sadness, loneliness, and struggles raising us. My father worked out of town most weeks, and he had no clue how we were raised. All the school drop-offs, illnesses, good days, bad days, homework, etc. My mother had to do it all on her own, with a bit of support from her parents. Her role as a homemaker was very underrated by Dad.  My father’s financial support was there to pay for the groceries and school fees. But I give the credit to my mom. Me and my brother are who we are because of her sacrifices. Her marriage was not an easy journey. 

I chose to be a career woman. I wanted control and financial independence. I wanted to feel that I do not stay in an unhappy partnership because I have nowhere to go, or I will die of starvation. I just love to get up and go out and explore something new every day and have a legacy other than being a homemaker. 

My parent’s marriage did not work in the end and my dad filed for divorce after over 30 years of marriage. Trust me it was not easy for me and my brother as adults. I overreacted to it very harshly and did not talk to Dad for about 4 years. I had two options, the first was to send mom back home to granny and uncle or to support her fully in South Africa. She has been here since 2006 but she needs support in a lot of things. 

I often find my husband being frustrated at me for the extra financial support me and my brother provide for Mom. I am a Middle Eastern girl and we often have this duty to do what we can to support our parents. Having a husband, a baby, and a full-time job has been an extreme challenge, but I try to make time for mom, to see her, have a nice cup of tea, and have some outings to make her life more exciting and stimulating. 

THE APRICOT TREE

 This post is dedicated to my beloved grandparents. They were the best part of my childhood and the reason for my survival. They provided the financial and emotional stability and the calm and loving atmosphere every child needs to thrive. We had drama, conflict, and all sorts of financial disasters you could imagine. A decision was made to build and expand our grandparents' house and we stayed there. I was born and raised there up until my late twenties. The only interruptions were the Iraq war in the eighties and a brief three-year immigration to South Africa when I was around 12. My dad was a land surveyor, he was not permanently employed and oftentimes after finishing a project, he would not have an income until he found something else. We did not have to worry about the rent or even groceries most of the time. 

Most of my sweet childhood memories come from Grande's house. I often complain that my little two-year-old has to sleep in our bed and she panics when she wakes up in the middle of the night. I used to sleep with grandma up until the age of six, I remember I even used to wet the bed as well!

We used to have a beautiful apricot tree and a blackberry tree in the yard. Grandma had a special way with plants. Every summer I enjoyed running around the small yard and playing. I enjoyed the little berry tree because I could pick the berries myself. Grandpa and I had a special moment in the hot summer days when he used to pick the ripe apricots, open them, and give me half. They were the juiciest and sweetest apricots I had ever tasted in my life. Later on, the tree was cut and most of the yard was tiled to accommodate my father’s vehicle. 

Children need calm and kind parents who are there for them to make them happy. We need to try to create beautiful memories together. Children need to be given the freedom to explore different fields such as sports, drama, and art to discover their talents. It is important for us as parents to grow with our kids and stay on top of technology. Save enough for the rainy days and your retirement so you are not a financial burden on your children. 

The phot shows the yard after the tree was cut, another berry tree and other beautiful plants are growing.  

BLUE ORIGIN FAILED FEMINIST GESTURE

 I was browsing through Facebook and saw a picture of Katy Perry kissing the earth. I became curious that she went on a space trip with five other women including Lauren Sanchez and Gayle King. Initially, I assumed they had at least spent 7 days in some space station, although they looked so fabulous when they landed with hair extensions, lip gloss, lashes, and their overly tight blue bodysuits! Then I realized that they only spent a total of 11 minutes to the edge of space and back!  To complete this circus in Texas we had the Kardashians cheering for our female Astronaut team. 

The whole mission was out of context and contributed nothing to the female community. people had many negative reviews on social media. Such as just because these women are billionaires or have connections they can act like astronauts who have conquered space. Economic strain and multiple wars are happening in the world and people believe this demonstration was a total waste of money, where a lot of people are struggling financially. Others also pointed out the environmental effects such as air pollution that come with space tourism. 

Another female who has received a lot of negative reviews recently is Magan Marckle with her Netflix show With Love, Megan. Looking desperately for publicity and some extra cash to support her lifestyle Megan puts on this cooking and lifestyle show. The Audience realizes that she really cannot cook, but is trying very hard to follow the steps of people like Martha Stewart, but everything looks like a joke and lacks authenticity. 

Another feminist activity that caused a lot of outrage and negative reactions was the actress RacheL Zegler commenting on her latest film Snow white that the story needs to change and she no longer needs to wait for a prince to save her!

Women certainly do not need such fake and unauthentic demonstrators to advocate for their rights, they need something that gives them freedom and a better quality of life, such as flexible working hours, subsidized child care, and the freedom to decide for their bodies and termination of pregnancy. 

THE IDEAL NUMBER OF CHILDREN

We have probably noticed a significant change in the size of the modern family. My great-grandmother had five children. My mother’s mother had two children. She was battling with postpartum depression and that was the reason she had fewer children compared to the women in her generation. My father’s mother had five children. I had my first baby at 37 and after exploring my options and what is best for my family and taking into account my husband’s wishes we decided to have only one child. We are currently focusing on raising our beautiful daughter. 

When I was 25 years old, I had the perception that children who are raised without siblings experience multiple mental issues, they tend to be lonely, they may not do well in life, or they may be socially more withdrawn. The ideal family to me was the one with two or more children. That was my expectation in my early twenties. The reality of life in my late thirties is different now. I work as a full-time OBGYN in an academic hospital, my parents are in their 60s and seventies and they depend on me financially. We don’t have many other friends and family in South Africa except my brother who is a lifesaver whenever we need financial help etc. 

I love my little daughter but due to the nature of my job, I hardly find time after work I the week or weekends to spend time with her. The finances have not been great, due to the various health care costs of my parents and my husband battling to have a stable job. I battle to have time to look after myself, attend to my hobbies, exercise, do more research or academic work, or even pursue a subspecialty. Looking deep at my wishes and desires I would not want to have another baby. 

Here are some of the positive effects of being an only child:

1. The only child will receive more focused attention
2. They show better academic performance due to more help from parents
3. Only children show greater self-resilience and independence as they don’t have siblings to rely on
4. They have more opportunities to travel, educate, and do extracurricular activities. 
5. 
   

Ultimately being an only child is not inherently better or worse than having siblings. With supporting parenting and opportunities to socialize, only children can thrive and develop into confident, capable, and compassionate individuals. 

HEALTHY AGING

 This is a topic that is often discussed. Most women concentrate on the aesthetic parts of aging, investing a lot of time and money in fillers, Botox, micro needling, facelifts, etc. to improve their appearance. We want to discuss the latest evidence on aging gracefully and having a healthy mind and body. 

New evidence supports the beneficial effects of mindfulness meditation and its effect in reducing anxiety and slowing down memory loss in elderly patients. We know that dementia and Alzheimer’s disease are more common among females. This could be something we can discuss with our post-menopausal women when we see them for their routine gynae check-ups. Self-compassion and physical activity have been linked to improved mental health, well-being, and quality of life. Self-compassion refers to a feeling of kindness towards oneself and a rather positive mindset towards negative thoughts. 

This evidence comes from a clinical trial involving 147 patients from clinics with a special interest in memory disorders in France, Germany, and the UK all of whom reported subjective cognitive decline. Patients who attended the 8 week mindfulness meditation classes showed improved self compassion and increased physical activity and cognition. 

These findings support various interventions that focus on mindfulness and encourage physical activity in older people to promote healthy aging. We know as we age there is a reduction in physical activity, muscle mass and coordination. This can have multiple ,mental and physical adverse effects such as weight gain, falls and bone fractures. We all know once the elderly experience a fracture it causes severe morbidity and mortality and prevention is always better than cure. 

 

THE HOLISTIC PSYCHOLOGIST

 I love writing little summaries of the books I read in this blog. It allows me to review the book and reflect on the messages I learned from it. I used to enjoy various classic fiction and murder mystery books but these days I prefer non-fiction. Psychology and human behaviour are something I have been curious about for a long time. wondering why we behave the way we do. Psychology or teaching are some of the favourite alternatives I would have done if I didn’t step into clinical medicine. Being an OBGYN today, I see many women who require a holistic psychology approach. The way I open the consultation towards mental health is to ask about their sleep. Women with anxiety or depression often complain about poor quality of sleep or waking up in the middle of the night.

I found the book “How to Do the Work” by Dr Nicole Lepera pretty useful in terms of understanding the underlying causes of human behaviour for example childhood trauma etc, and the ways to heal and make progress. She often emphasizes in her chapters how troubled humans keep repeating the same troublesome behavioural patterns and drifting towards destructive behaviours such as binge alcohol drinking, and sex addiction to feel better.

It is important to know that the mind and body are one unit and she would often point out how her own stressors lead to episodes of collapse or mental breakdown. One of the key aspects to help the troubled mind is emphasis on good sleep. Improving sleep quality by shutting down electronics, taking a bath, and reading a book. She pointed out in her book that she would even put an alarm clock to remind her at 6 pm to start winding down.

The author mentions moving the body and a healthy diet as part of the holistic approach to a healthy body and mind. Just taking a walk in nature can do magic for our body and reset a lot of brain fog. She also pointed out how changing her living environment to California and a more relaxed time helped her to recover faster.

Childhood trauma and the different toxic parenting styles were quite enlightening for me. Bringing out the various treatments we received from our parents up can be pretty uncomfortable. We know our parents were no perfect child psychologists. They were just hustling adults trying to make it through their days with their jobs and other day-to-day problems.

The most important chapter of the book talks about boundaries. It is one pf the most difficult to achieve especially with friends and family. It is very important to maintain healthy physical and mental health. I really enjoyed the book. The journaling tips at the end of each chapter was helpful in sustain most of the reflections and behavioural changes.

 

 

PLANT BASED DIET

When it comes to dietary patterns, the South Africans have one of the worst diets

                      I have ever seen. I was shocked when I learned the favourite food items such as fat cakes, bunny chow, chips, Russians, McDonald's, and KFC. All of them have high starch and fat content and low fibre. Later on, I got married in 2020 and moved in with my grandmother-in-law for three months, while I was waiting for our home transfer documents to go through. She was a lovely and friendly lady, and A very good cook. We mostly had some sort of curry with roti and rice. I soon realized that there is hardly any fruit or vegetable in that house. I started getting my own fruits and vegetables to be able to survive. In my home country, fruits and vegetables were an important part of our diet. We always had one or two fruits in the season and veges such as herbs and lettuce.

In recent years, there have been extensive studies on the relation of dietary patterns and various cancers and cardiovascular risk. The Mediterranean diet is known to be mainly plant-based with lots of nuts and olive oil, which is associated with less cardiovascular events.

A plant based diet is a broad term that covers many different diet patterns. From vegetarian to vegan etc. A diet that has at least more than two thirds of vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and beans, and no more than a third of animal protein. It does not have to be entirely vegan or vegetarian. It simply means that we are consuming more plants than anything else. This diet definitely has a profound effect on the person’s general health.

Digestive system cancers, including cancers of the esophagus, stomach, colon, rectum, liver and possibly pancreas, appear to be cancer types that are reduced with a plant-based diet. Studies show there was a 9% reduction rate of breast cancer, 13% prostate cancer, and 18% of digestive tract. This is something to think about next time we go grocery shopping to try and make small changes in our diet and become healthier.

 

THE CHALLENGES OF MODERN WOMEN

 Women in the twentieth century enjoyed significantly more freedom and independence compared to their predecessors. In earlier times, a baby girl was often viewed as a burden to the family until marriage. They were not seen as a part of the workforce that could contribute financially to the household. Even today, in India, many families choose to abort female fetuses out of concern for the future costs associated with dowries, weddings, and wedding jewelry. are outshining men in colleges, universities, and the job market. Women are prospering in their careers and achieving a lot. A lot of them have chosen to dedicate their full time and energy to their jobs and give up on dating, the ones who are looking for partners can hardly find any suitable matches. So they wait until the biological ticks to settle or they settle for someone with lower standards.

Men are not formulated to juggle a million things during the day. Even though they have a part-time job with more free time at hand, we often find the female partner juggling a lot of things during the day, which can lead to the rapid burnout of the female partner.

Let's hope we are all kinder to that work colleague who needs to go for a school pick up or has a sick child in the future, and let's hope the male partners actually start helping more around the house and with the kids

CHANGE OF HABITS

 It is very common for people to have new year resolutions and try and do things differently. For example, exercising more often, eating healthy, or focusing on achieving more career or academic goals. I can recall certain habits that I have changed gradually over the years that have helped me have more peace of mind.

News addiction: I come from a Middle Eastern country, and there is always something happening either in the Middle East, like a new war, terrorist attack, or something happening in the west that might affect us indirectly. I lived with my grandparents up until my late twenties, and I often found them sitting in front of the TV watching various news channels and drinking tea. After immigration, this habit remained with me to try and be on top of the SA local news and the international news using various channels. After finishing my registrar training, being extremely burnt out and tired and pregnant, I stopped listening to any news on my car radio and stopped streaming different international channels. It is the worst thing to do while rushing to work in traffic and listening to mostly negative news and endless adverts on the radio. I spend that time wisely listening to various educational podcasts or a calming playlist.

Social media: I developed a very toxic relationship with social media, especially after immigration and having no filtering on Facebook and other channels. I remember back in 2013 while I was sitting at home waiting for my HPCSA registration, I would wake up early in the morning, feed the cat and go to the loft area where the family desktop was. Switch on the computer and scroll on Facebook. It was around when most of my friends were getting married and doing exciting things in life. I would start my day scrolling and feeling miserable about life. Later on I had my own smartphone and also joined Instagram and the scrolling continued. First thing before showering and making my morning tea  would be scrolling, trying not to miss anything. Around the same burnt out state of mind I had in 2021, I took a 3 week break from Facebook and Instagram. I limited my scrolling to 10 minutes per day and avoided them on weekends completely, and rather spent my time reading books or any other productive activity.

Retail therapy: this was a terrible trait of me and my mother. Going out and buying whatever was on sale and whatever looked nice and cute. The consequence of that is a dysfunctional wardrobe where you actually have nothing proper to wear and a very cluttered house. I have stopped that. I assess my clothes now and know exactly what I need for that season. I do not just buy something because it is on sale. I go for quality, more practical style, and solid colours and match easily.

I am hoping to work towards my terrible trait of being a people pleaser, have more boundaries with work, friends, and family, and stop venting to people and over sharing my life.

 

 

MOVIE REVIEW

 Triple six eight

                It was a very touching movie that made me cry. A love story from the world war two. Showing the lover's fun life briefly at the beginning of the show. An African American girl dating a wealthy Caucasian boy. In my mind I wanted the young boy to survive and come back safely after the war. Unfortunately, he is killed during the war and leaves the young girl with a broken heart. She decides to join the army. You start understanding the racial issues in                             America in the forties when the African girls and the white passengers are asked to be separated on the train. She works hard during her training, another strong female character also comes to play is their commander, played by Kerry Washington. Another touching scene is when the female soldiers are sorting out the mail backlog in Europe and she comes across her boyfriend’s letter. During their mission, two soldiers are lost.

                  The female soldiers serve their country under such difficult circumstances with grace and patience. They work extra hard to prove to their male counterparts that they are also efficient in their duties. The essay was based on a true, and it shows showed how determination and courage can lead to success no matter what the circumstances are.

Mother’s instinct

                  I watched this movie because I am a great fan of Ann Hathaway movies. It was filmed around the 60s in America. I absolutely loved the movie, I would probably watch it again. It was very well crafted with special attention paid to their wardrobe, settings, cinematography, and dialogues.

                       At the story's beginning, we witness the monotonous life of two stay-at-home moms. One of them has the desire to try and build a career, her partner has no understanding and support for her. The line of the story changes after on of the mothers loses her son in an accident and there is a build-up of tension between the two families who are neighbours. The ending surprised me, but overall I enjoyed the movie a lot.