MY FIRST MAMMOGRAM

 I can not be an advocate for women’s health and not look after myself. The challenge with a screening test is that a lot of women have no symptoms, and they tend to postpone and not make time for it. Another factor is that most women feel uncomfortable getting that gynaecology exam or getting naked and getting their breasts exposed for the screening test, or they might be terrified of the findings.  I was trying to get the mammogram done during my leave time, but the appointment was full, and I finally managed to squeeze it in the morning of my work day. 

Overall, I had a pleasant experience. The staff in the radiology department were very friendly. The atmosphere was pleasant and welcoming. There was a private changing area for me to change my clothes and get into a gown. There wasn't a long waiting time until the mammogram was done. There was an interval between the mammogram and the routine ultrasound. I had a cup of coffee. The sonographer who examined my breasts was very friendly. One thing I learned was that it is advisable to do your mammograms and exams in one radiology center, to allow the team to compare the images and make the right diagnosis. 

I was very anxious about the results. The report was emailed to my referring Doctor and me, and I was even able to access the images on the radiology link. My medical aid paid for the exam, and I even had vitality points. I feel happy that for the next three years I do not need to do this. Next up are some blood tests and a dental check-up. I have also decided to keep a digital copy of all my medical records. 

ME AND MUSIC

 I have a special relationship with music. I am listening to a 90s playlist and writing this. I grew up in the eighties and '90s in a Middle Eastern country where music, especially Western music, was banned. I had some music exposure while I stayed in South Africa between 98 and 2000. We were struggling financially and still didn't have a CD player. I remember the new Westlife Album was released, and my High school friend Sandra recorded it on a cassette for me to listen to. It must be somewhere in my grandparents’ house, along with a hundred other cassettes I recorded from different radio stations and channels. I used to be crazy about Celine Dion. I would play her music, record my voice with the microphone, and feel like a diva! These days, when I listen to her old songs, I feel sad…I think about the days I used to be wild and young and free. 

The world of music became more colourful for me after we managed to get a satellite TV around 2005, and in those days, I could watch different international videos and enjoy them. Shakira and Jennifer Lopez were the new emerging artists in those days, and they are still going strong and going on tour. By then, I had given up on becoming a singer and was going to medical school. By 2010, when I was an intern, I got my first MP3 player. It was so life-changing! Having music while walking to work or using public transport was lovely. I was using various internet channels to download music. 

Life is amazing now with music streaming platforms such as Spotify! A lot of the artists probably miss the good old days when they would sell records, making less money through these platforms.  With a small monthly subscription, I listen to a wide range of music on my devices. There is no need for downloading or recording cassettes, CDs, or MP3 players. I listen to a wide range of music from my home country, French, Jazz, classical, Arabic, Indian, Latino, and pop from the '60s up to now. The only time I feel like a diva these days is when I am driving and I sing along to my favourite song. I have a little fantasy to have a little band and sing in a bar or something when I retire…

I still have my first MP3 player; it is such a sentimental item to me

MY HAPPY PLACE

 I am an introvert. When I was small I enjoyed doing my own thing, listening to children’s story cassettes, playing with my Legos, or drawing. Whenever we had visitors I would get irritated as a child because the house was so messy, mom was busy cooking, setting the table, or clearing the table and washing the dishes. Later on, I started having a special interest in books. I enjoyed reading a wide range of fiction. From Authors back home, and the classics from British and Russian authors. 

Another introverted and creative joyful activity for me was drawing and painting. It started with sketching in high school art classes and then became more sophisticated such as watercolour or oil on canvas. A lot of the artworks are framed and on the walls back home. Three of my favourite works are framed by mom’s house, 2 other nice oil paintings are by my brother’s house and a small daffodil painting and some random watercolour work are in my office. My life has been crazy with all the medical school and specializing, getting married, and having a child. I have not had the passion or energy to frame any new works or put them on the wall in our house. 

Recently I started gathering pictures of some of the previous art and decided to laminate some others and put them on the walls in the spare room. Some of my early favourite sketches are from the book I found at my grandparent’s house and which had beautiful black and white pictures of ballerinas from the Bolshoi Ballet in Russia. I used to love those beautiful and graceful ballerinas. Later on, when I grew up I watched the movie Black Swan and it changed my point of view on the ballet story. 

After having a baby I lost my identity. The whole day and night revolves around the care of the baby. Only now that the child is about two and half years old and can play with herself independently and go to school I am starting to find myself again, and reflect on my favourite hobbies and activities. One of my very favourite places to go are the bookstores and libraries. I try to avoid the bookstores because I can't control myself and I end up buying books that I won't read or need. The Norscot library has a beautiful building and garden, and it offers a very tranquil environment. I usually go there once a month to unwind, do some deep reading or writing, and pick some interesting books for myself and Aryana. 

THINGS I WISH I TOLD MY MOTHER

 This book caught my eye in the public library in May. I was very excited because it is dedicated to mothers! We are all in the Mother’s Day hype. The book offers a contemporary look at a mother and her adult daughter’s relationship. The daughter is an only child in her late thirties, she is in the marketing business. She is divorced with no children. She is not into glamour brands and cosmetics. The little that she knows is through her marketing job. Her father passed away a couple of years ago from pancreatic cancer. Her mother is a very well-known and busy obstetrician and gynecologist. She is in her sixties, she makes good money and also spends it well. Full skincare routine, make-up, glamour, branded clothes, shoes, and handbags. 

The book gives a brief background of how the daughter has been traumatized by her mother’s critical behaviour and has chosen to me to be more withdrawn and hide her opinions. Another factor that came up that traumatized her in her adult life was her divorce from her husband. How things turn another way when her hubby decides to go after his college sweetheart after he finds out that she is divorced knowing he still has feelings for her. The book was published in 2023. It is very modern showing the effect of smartphones and the challenges of modern dating. 

The mother and daughter travel story to France was very interesting. I enjoyed how the different historical sites, cafes and restaurants and food items on the menu were described with detail. I felt like I was there experiencing all the outings, shopping and sightseeing. The mother and daughter managed to have several bonding sessions, several fights but it all made them come closer together. 

They also travelled to Norway where the mother was born and raised until she had immigrated to the USA to go to medical school. Meeting up with her extended family brought them closer. The ending of the book was a bit shocking. However, I enjoyed reading a story about a mother-daughter dynamic, with little episodes of romance here and there. It teaches us that regardless of the conflict and differences we may have as adults with our parents, we should try and reach out to them not take them for granted and spend as much time as possible. 

MOTHERHOOD REFLECTIONS

 Reflecting on my motherhood journey, I can't believe that my little one is two and a half years old! I was looking at my graduation pictures from April 2022 when I was 12 weeks pregnant, and I realized how much I have changed. The beautiful long hair is gone, I have put on more weight and have more wrinkles on my face. I thought going through specialist training and long hours of work makes us age faster, but the burden of responsibility of looking after another baby is worse. With all the running around and sleepless nights. 

She is tall and beautiful. Her speech is starting with a bit of delay but we are getting there. Her new words and phrases are teacher, I'm talking, no George, daddy pig, orange. She calls my husband’s mother Auma, my mother FaFa which is short for Fariba! 

Potty training attempts have not been successful. She sits on the potty but with her clothes on and refuses to take out her pants. She has become more aware of her nappy and last week when she made a poop, she came to me and immediately pulled down her nappy and her pants. We are getting into the cooler seasons, so we might attempt more potty training when it gets warmer in August. She still sleeps with us. I usually put her to bed in the spare room, once I am done with cleaning up the house or admin,  I carry her to our bed and all three of us sleep. I have heard about other parents training their children to sleep in their bed and be able to soothe themselves when they wake up. Our little princess is still very spoiled and she loves sleeping with us, cuddling, or holding our hands in her sleep. It gives her comfort knowing Mom and Dad are nearby. 

I have noticed that toddlers get bored with toys very easily, so I have stopped buying different toys. We enjoy riding the little bike outside or playing with the ball. At home, she enjoys looking at her books, playing with her balloon, or watching Peppa Pig. I love the Peppa Pig stories, books, and other things. The other day my husband went to eat at Burger King and he saw the special kids burger that comes with the Peppa Pig toys. He got her the meal with a cute Daddy Pig, and she loves it! 

 

A DAY IN MY LIFE AS A WORKING MOM

 I would like to explain how my days look as a full time working mother. Aryana usually goes to school three days a week which is Monday to Thursday. The rest of the week or the weekends she stays by my mother. I am up by 5am, shower and get ready by 5:45. I always make toast or muesli and yogurt which I eat while driving. I also make tea for the road. When I am ready wake Aryana up, change her nappy, dress her and we leave the house by 6:20. She is in school in 10 minutes and I drive to work. The drive in traffic takes me approximately an hour. 

I work in an Academic Hospital, so every morning our registrars present their admissions in the morning meeting. All the consultants usually pull a straight face and ask random questions. Last week Wednesday I was covering the labour ward. After the meeting we attended the handover in the high care and labour ward. After that we did a ward round to see the patients in the antenatal ward. I usually take a little lunch break before the afternoon handover. 

Some consultanta take very long for the afternoon handover. and grill the registrars with questions. I stick to patient care, but it is quite entertaining when you start asking the medical students different questions. We had an uneventful handover and by 3 pm I left work. I usually make a strong cup of instant coffee to give me energy to survive my other 5 to 9 job which is Motherhood. 

Around 5pm I make it to the school, I sneak in to catch a glimpse of Aryana while she is playing in her fun environment. We drive home, change into comfy clothes and Aryana has a nappy change. I start cleaning up right away, from the bedroom to the kitchen. hubby has cooked lunch, i usually pack that for lunch the following day. we don't have any family dinner. Nawaaz is either watching something or out doing admin. 

Aryana has a bath, a bottle of milk and we both sleep in the spare room. After she falls asleep i get up and do more cleaning like folding the laundry, taking out trash or hanging the washing. if I am in the mood some reading and writing and creative work also happens on the laptop like writing this blog. I sweep the floors in the morning, and mopping the floors happens on demand and routinely on fridyas. laundry is done throughout the week. sometimes when I am in the mood I play music and me and Aryana will do a little dance together. 

ME AND MY MOTHER

My mother and I are very close. We see each other almost daily since we stay in the same complex. As a daughter I grew up witnessing my mother’s sadness, loneliness, and struggles raising us. My father worked out of town most weeks, and he had no clue how we were raised. All the school drop-offs, illnesses, good days, bad days, homework, etc. My mother had to do it all on her own, with a bit of support from her parents. Her role as a homemaker was very underrated by Dad.  My father’s financial support was there to pay for the groceries and school fees. But I give the credit to my mom. Me and my brother are who we are because of her sacrifices. Her marriage was not an easy journey. 

I chose to be a career woman. I wanted control and financial independence. I wanted to feel that I do not stay in an unhappy partnership because I have nowhere to go, or I will die of starvation. I just love to get up and go out and explore something new every day and have a legacy other than being a homemaker. 

My parent’s marriage did not work in the end and my dad filed for divorce after over 30 years of marriage. Trust me it was not easy for me and my brother as adults. I overreacted to it very harshly and did not talk to Dad for about 4 years. I had two options, the first was to send mom back home to granny and uncle or to support her fully in South Africa. She has been here since 2006 but she needs support in a lot of things. 

I often find my husband being frustrated at me for the extra financial support me and my brother provide for Mom. I am a Middle Eastern girl and we often have this duty to do what we can to support our parents. Having a husband, a baby, and a full-time job has been an extreme challenge, but I try to make time for mom, to see her, have a nice cup of tea, and have some outings to make her life more exciting and stimulating. 

THE APRICOT TREE

 This post is dedicated to my beloved grandparents. They were the best part of my childhood and the reason for my survival. They provided the financial and emotional stability and the calm and loving atmosphere every child needs to thrive. We had drama, conflict, and all sorts of financial disasters you could imagine. A decision was made to build and expand our grandparents' house and we stayed there. I was born and raised there up until my late twenties. The only interruptions were the Iraq war in the eighties and a brief three-year immigration to South Africa when I was around 12. My dad was a land surveyor, he was not permanently employed and oftentimes after finishing a project, he would not have an income until he found something else. We did not have to worry about the rent or even groceries most of the time. 

Most of my sweet childhood memories come from Grande's house. I often complain that my little two-year-old has to sleep in our bed and she panics when she wakes up in the middle of the night. I used to sleep with grandma up until the age of six, I remember I even used to wet the bed as well!

We used to have a beautiful apricot tree and a blackberry tree in the yard. Grandma had a special way with plants. Every summer I enjoyed running around the small yard and playing. I enjoyed the little berry tree because I could pick the berries myself. Grandpa and I had a special moment in the hot summer days when he used to pick the ripe apricots, open them, and give me half. They were the juiciest and sweetest apricots I had ever tasted in my life. Later on, the tree was cut and most of the yard was tiled to accommodate my father’s vehicle. 

Children need calm and kind parents who are there for them to make them happy. We need to try to create beautiful memories together. Children need to be given the freedom to explore different fields such as sports, drama, and art to discover their talents. It is important for us as parents to grow with our kids and stay on top of technology. Save enough for the rainy days and your retirement so you are not a financial burden on your children. 

The phot shows the yard after the tree was cut, another berry tree and other beautiful plants are growing.  

BLUE ORIGIN FAILED FEMINIST GESTURE

 I was browsing through Facebook and saw a picture of Katy Perry kissing the earth. I became curious that she went on a space trip with five other women including Lauren Sanchez and Gayle King. Initially, I assumed they had at least spent 7 days in some space station, although they looked so fabulous when they landed with hair extensions, lip gloss, lashes, and their overly tight blue bodysuits! Then I realized that they only spent a total of 11 minutes to the edge of space and back!  To complete this circus in Texas we had the Kardashians cheering for our female Astronaut team. 

The whole mission was out of context and contributed nothing to the female community. people had many negative reviews on social media. Such as just because these women are billionaires or have connections they can act like astronauts who have conquered space. Economic strain and multiple wars are happening in the world and people believe this demonstration was a total waste of money, where a lot of people are struggling financially. Others also pointed out the environmental effects such as air pollution that come with space tourism. 

Another female who has received a lot of negative reviews recently is Magan Marckle with her Netflix show With Love, Megan. Looking desperately for publicity and some extra cash to support her lifestyle Megan puts on this cooking and lifestyle show. The Audience realizes that she really cannot cook, but is trying very hard to follow the steps of people like Martha Stewart, but everything looks like a joke and lacks authenticity. 

Another feminist activity that caused a lot of outrage and negative reactions was the actress RacheL Zegler commenting on her latest film Snow white that the story needs to change and she no longer needs to wait for a prince to save her!

Women certainly do not need such fake and unauthentic demonstrators to advocate for their rights, they need something that gives them freedom and a better quality of life, such as flexible working hours, subsidized child care, and the freedom to decide for their bodies and termination of pregnancy. 

THE IDEAL NUMBER OF CHILDREN

We have probably noticed a significant change in the size of the modern family. My great-grandmother had five children. My mother’s mother had two children. She was battling with postpartum depression and that was the reason she had fewer children compared to the women in her generation. My father’s mother had five children. I had my first baby at 37 and after exploring my options and what is best for my family and taking into account my husband’s wishes we decided to have only one child. We are currently focusing on raising our beautiful daughter. 

When I was 25 years old, I had the perception that children who are raised without siblings experience multiple mental issues, they tend to be lonely, they may not do well in life, or they may be socially more withdrawn. The ideal family to me was the one with two or more children. That was my expectation in my early twenties. The reality of life in my late thirties is different now. I work as a full-time OBGYN in an academic hospital, my parents are in their 60s and seventies and they depend on me financially. We don’t have many other friends and family in South Africa except my brother who is a lifesaver whenever we need financial help etc. 

I love my little daughter but due to the nature of my job, I hardly find time after work I the week or weekends to spend time with her. The finances have not been great, due to the various health care costs of my parents and my husband battling to have a stable job. I battle to have time to look after myself, attend to my hobbies, exercise, do more research or academic work, or even pursue a subspecialty. Looking deep at my wishes and desires I would not want to have another baby. 

Here are some of the positive effects of being an only child:

1. The only child will receive more focused attention
2. They show better academic performance due to more help from parents
3. Only children show greater self-resilience and independence as they don’t have siblings to rely on
4. They have more opportunities to travel, educate, and do extracurricular activities. 
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Ultimately being an only child is not inherently better or worse than having siblings. With supporting parenting and opportunities to socialize, only children can thrive and develop into confident, capable, and compassionate individuals. 

HEALTHY AGING

 This is a topic that is often discussed. Most women concentrate on the aesthetic parts of aging, investing a lot of time and money in fillers, Botox, micro needling, facelifts, etc. to improve their appearance. We want to discuss the latest evidence on aging gracefully and having a healthy mind and body. 

New evidence supports the beneficial effects of mindfulness meditation and its effect in reducing anxiety and slowing down memory loss in elderly patients. We know that dementia and Alzheimer’s disease are more common among females. This could be something we can discuss with our post-menopausal women when we see them for their routine gynae check-ups. Self-compassion and physical activity have been linked to improved mental health, well-being, and quality of life. Self-compassion refers to a feeling of kindness towards oneself and a rather positive mindset towards negative thoughts. 

This evidence comes from a clinical trial involving 147 patients from clinics with a special interest in memory disorders in France, Germany, and the UK all of whom reported subjective cognitive decline. Patients who attended the 8 week mindfulness meditation classes showed improved self compassion and increased physical activity and cognition. 

These findings support various interventions that focus on mindfulness and encourage physical activity in older people to promote healthy aging. We know as we age there is a reduction in physical activity, muscle mass and coordination. This can have multiple ,mental and physical adverse effects such as weight gain, falls and bone fractures. We all know once the elderly experience a fracture it causes severe morbidity and mortality and prevention is always better than cure.